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That Humorous Poem I was talking about.

6/21/12 by theamazingjamez
Updated 6/21/12

This is a surreal humor poem that i wrote and i thought i would share it with everyone! Here is the original thread

WARNING!

The following poem may contain offensive material that may or may not be appropriate for children under the age of zero.

Thank you for wasting your precious time reading this useless introduction.

THE ADVENTURES OF BOB

By theamazingjamez

There once was a boy who went by Todd.

Todd was a boy who was quite odd.

He loved fast food from Famished Lee's

Despite its highly caustic properties.

So Todd was on his way to Famished Lee's

To eat a burger with caustic properties,

When along came a big, fat brute

Who (a bit rudely) let out a large toot.

"Hey, you yeah you, where you going?" said the guy.

"I'm going Famished Lee's," Todd said with a twinkle in his eye.

Then the fat guy suddenly wore an evil grin.

Took a deep breath and said to him...

NOTE: The following stanza has been censored.

If you had read it, you'd gasp, "Oh, Lord!"

Google "Bad Words" if you're really that bored,

But, for now, a censor has had this stanza censored.

Todd was still reeling from the fat guy's censure,

And I'm telling you right now it was not a pretty picture.

Even worse was the fact that the guy put him in a trash bin.

Unfortunately, this was true, much to Todd's chagrin.

As Todd hopped out of the bin,

He met a girl who was a bit of a charlatan.

She claimed to have superpowers, which distracted Todd, no doubt,

And led him along a circuitous route.

Now, before Todd, walked anymore,

He realized that he was farther than he had ever been before.

Indeed, he had, gotten off track just a smidge,

Because now he was in front of a troll bridge

Now, Todd, being smart, was rather circumspect

Especially since he was in a story where he chronically gets wrecked.

This was a situation he would have to circumvent.

Why was he in chronic danger wherever he went?

Now, that girl we talked about before, she wasn't clandestine

And she honestly thought she was a super heroine,

So she charged the troll under the bridge with supposed superhuman might

And the troll just snapped his jaws and ate her with one bite.

Now with Todd the troll was worse.

Todd he did coerce.

"Rob a bank for me," said he,

And Todd could not help but agree.

Due to the troll being cogent by baring his teeth,

A terrible sin on Todd's soul the troll did bequeath

Thus, Todd was forced to rob a bank,

An act that was rather rank.

So Todd went to the Bank of the West

But he just couldn't bring himself to the test

So he went to the police to explain his plight

And the whole force went to arrest the troll on sight

But suddenly the police chief turned rather glum.

He said, "I'm afraid this title isn't compatible with this poem.

If we don't fix it, we'll meet an awful fate."

"I know how to fix it," said the troll. "Can we collaborate?"

"Mr. Chief," said Todd. "Why can't we leave it alone?

Nobody will notice." The chief began to moan.

"What will happen Todd, if we just leave it alone?

I'm afraid the whole universe will implode."

"But Mr. Chief," said Todd. "Surely, that can't be right.

That only happens in the stories that one nerdy teen writes."

"I wish that were true," said the chief. "But, unfortunately,

To be concise, this could be the end for both you and me."

Okay, now I'm kind of mad because

My own main character just dissed me. I mean,

I bet no one cares! That complacent little... Anyway,

For now I am going to write

This poem in free verse, which basically

Means you write normally and press enter

At random places. Ahh, the

Humanity! Anyway, so, after this frightful

Turn of events, the troll said,

"We're going to have to confront

The author and tell him to change it." The others

Agreed. Then, after a brief silence, Todd

Said, "How the heck are we going

To do that?" Unfortunately, no one

Had an answer. So, they sat

Around, coming up with conjectures

And discarding them. Meanwhile, the end

Of the universe loomed overhead.

This went on until a rookie officer

(This was his first assignment, and it

Was disappointing him), out of frustration,

Looked out and yelled, "Can you just

Change the title?" Well! Someone finally figured

It out! Took you guys long enough

To arrange this confrontation, eh?

"Well," said the police chief.

"Do it already, you nerd!"

Whoa! Ahem, no, just for that,

I will not! You people are very

Rude! I should let your universe

Implode, and good riddance, too! Humph!

"Will you do it, please?" said the troll very

Politely. All right! Manners,

Everyone! Manners matter!

Especially on Manners Matter Monday!

All right, I'll change it. Now the title

Looks like this:

THE ADVENTURES OF TODD

And finally the problem went.

And for the remainder of the poem,

I will write in Haikus.

The characters were very happy.

They all decided to celebrate with food.

They went to Famished Lee's.

Todd went home well fed.

The police force died of caustic hamburgers.

The Troll was condoned.

This is the poem's end.

I hope you liked it a lot.

Now go home and sleep

THE END


Comments

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EKublaiEKublai

6/21/12

Very funny, I especially like the censorship part.

The problems I found with it were that you packed too many syllables in some of the lines, which ruined the rhythm. Also, some of the rhymes were pretty forced.

6/21/12 theamazingjamez responds:

Can i confess? I wrote this for a spelling project, so some of the more syllabled (is that a word?) words were required. But I sure am glad you liked it!